Once I was a confident and capable person. If something needed doing, I did it. Fixing an antenna to the roof of a Queenslander home – 7 months pregnant – was no big deal. Changing a car tyre, pffft. The helpless female stereotype annoyed me no end.
I generally lived in men’s worlds – I was in the Air Force, worked on mine sites, worked as a Security Officer – and I held my own in those worlds. I had my place, I knew who I was and I could fend for myself and be helpful to others. Life was good.
Today, I have a dentist appointment. Now I live in a town outside of the main metropolitan area of Perth. It is an hour drive to Perth and then another hour back again. I have owned my own car since I was 22. Driving is something I have always enjoyed – I have driven across Australia several times, up north and down south. Today, I can’t face the drive to the dentist and back again – because I know by the time I am driving those last twenty to thirty kilometers, I am no longer a safe driver. Today, I face the fact that I just can’t do that anymore.
Instead of being capable and competent behind the wheel, I now am subject to extreme fatigue – my awareness of my situation on the road and the cars around me has been eroded. I am fine for short trips, 5km into the village, or even a 20 min drive to the closest town. To go into Perth, go through an appointment with the waiting room and the general sociability to receptionists and doctors, is just too much. Today I am facing the fact that I am no longer capable and competent.
That pisses me off a lot.
