You are not wrong - the world is what is wrong. What happened to you is what is wrong.

God made us beautiful people and then the world comes along and mucks it all up - and one of the really big problems is that when God first made the world He didn't make us to deal with the incredible sin that we (and I mean us ladies here in particular) have encountered. We just aren't capable of dealing properly with the anger and shame that the dreadful sin committed against us has generated -that sort of sin was never meant to have been committed. And God understands that - after all He made us. And as sinful and broken and far from the ideal as we are He loves us. It's crazy, but it's wonderful too.

He even loves you right in the middle of harmful behaviour. He accepts you as you are, even right at the instant of the decision to go ahead and do "whatever". He knows what makes you tick and He knows your struggle against it. And to be (perhaps brutally) honest, I don't think that "drawing your strength from God" is a really good thing to be trying for right at this moment - I would love to see you just accepting His love for you just as you are right now. Just sit with that for a bit.